The Prince and the Mouse
by omaomae
Summary: A potion mishap causes Akko to turn into a mouse unable to use magic. Only true love's kiss can break her from this spell. But who is Akko's true love? COVER PHOTO BY THE AMAZING ALICE SEIKI ON TUMBLR.
1. The Mouse's Dilemma

**Summary:** The girls try to figure out who Akko's true love is.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

A little break from all the angst I write. Honestly, this is just for fun.

Note the genre, pairings, and that the title is pretty much a misnomer.

Basically, Akko's misfortune knows no bounds, for once it's not (directly) Sucy's fault, Lotte is an internet hermit, Amanda really likes Appleton's uniform, Hannah might be a little gay for Amanda in that suit, Amanda thinks Diana also looks good in the suit, and Andrew gets dragged into this mess.

* * *

 **The Mouse's Dilemma**

As a child, Akko did not dream of fairy tales. At least, not like the other children for long.

Once she saw her first and only Shiny Chariot performance at the age of six, all she could dream of were magnificent spells and spectacular magic. She did not yearn for a knight in shining armor or a kiss of true love. Instead, she imagined a woman with fiery red hair wielding a golden rod atop her trusty companion as they defeated the negativity of disbelief.

Akko wanted her _own_ adventure, yes. But it was not as a princess nor as a knight. It was as a witch who could bring smiles to everyone using magic just like her idol, Shiny Chariot.

Coming to Luna Nova Magic Academy was how Akko started on her journey. She certainly did begin an exciting _monogatari_. Every day of her first year at Luna Nova was a series of (mis)fortunes. Each of her adventures could rival any of the stories and fairy tales children love to hear.

And that is still true to this day, into Akko's second year at Luna Nova.

Sucy rubs her temples for the tenth time in ten minutes. There are only two things that can rouse such a level of irritation from her: potions and Akko. Even worse when it is both.

As (Akko's) luck will have, it is the case of both.

"So Akko lost a bet and drank one of my potions, resulting in," Sucy points to the small, brown mouse sitting on Amanda's shoulder, "that."

Amanda and the mouse nod.

Sucy sighs. "I guess cleaning the trolls' bathroom wasn't enough for you to learn not to take any bets from Amanda."

"How was I supposed to know Amanda could snort a umeboshi up her nose?!" Akko squeaks. Thankfully, she can still speak English. "And that was my last one too!"

Amanda takes another of Lotte's offered tissue. "Remind me never to do that again. God, this stuff _burns_."

"I'm more surprised that it fit up your nose," Lotte remarks.

Amanda shrugs. "What can I say? I'm amazing."

"So what's the problem?" Lotte asks. "Can't you just use _Metamorphie Fociesse_ to turn yourself back into a human?"

"We tried and it didn't work. Not that Akko can't hold a wand in that state, but the spell just wouldn't work."

"Of course it won't. Not after drinking _that_ potion." Sucy walks over to her desk and fingers through her books at a leisurely pace. "You drank the one that was brown, right?"

Akko grimaces. "Yeah. Amanda just _had_ to pick the most disgusting looking one. It tasted like bark."

"Yeah. One of the ingredients for that potion was some kind of tree that I can't remember the name of." Sucy finds the notebook she's looking for as she continues to explain. "Basically, the potion changes the consumer into an animal - I guess a mouse - and renders them unable to use magic. Something about disrupting the magic flow within the witch. I just thought it'd be fun to make."

"Why is everything like this always your fault?" Amanda wonders.

"It might seem that way (from the dozens of fanfiction people write) but it's technically _yours_ for daring her and picking this in the first place. Getting all the blame just because I'm dubious is getting old."

"But why not have someone else turn her back?" Lotte asks.

"That involves fully understanding the person's original body. The caster herself should know it best. Everyone else can botch it up." Sucy glances at Amanda. "Even someone who doesn't try in school knows this."

"Yeah. That's why I haven't tried. I don't want to cripple Akko for life. I won a bet but I'm not a horrible person," Amanda says.

"Changing Akko back also doesn't solve her magic problem," Sucy adds.

"Then what _does_?" Amanda asks.

Sucy flips open her notebook to the right page. "Huh. I have written down, 'a true love's kiss.' Did I inhale too much of Lukić's potion when I wrote this?"

" _WHAT_?!" Akko shrieks. She jumps from Amanda's shoulder and onto the notebook to read for herself. "It really does say 'a true love's kiss!' How the heck should I know who my true love is?!"

Lotte looks over to see for herself. She reads, "'Reversal: a true love's kiss.' Are you sure this is it, Sucy?"

"I take my potion brewing seriously, so I'm sure it's right." Sucy shrugs. "Guess Akko's stuck as a mouse who can't use magic forever."

"There _has_ to be someone who can help Akko! There are so many options!"

Amanda, Sucy, and Akko raise their eyebrows. "Like what?"

"Like, um…" Lotte's eyes shift from side to side. "Diana… or any of us in this room…"

" _HUH_?"

"Where did you get _that_ idea?" Amanda wonders.

"That's what everyone else on the internet seems to think. And I'm pretty sure most of the people writing them are from Luna Nova-"

"Wait, slow down. _Everyone else on the internet_?"

Lotte pulls out her crystal ball and connects to the world wide web. She enters a specific website and a few parameters, then turns the ball to show the others.

"Holy _crap_ that is a lot of results for…" Amanda throws her head back and chortles. "Man, I knew she was popular but… _damn_."

"What the heck?! Why are there over _three hundred_ results for me and Diana?!" Akko shrieks.

Amanda whistles while attempting to stop laughing. "Out of less than six hundred too. That's impressive."

"And this is just one site." Lotte sighs. "People really think you're the OTP."

"OTP?"

"One true pairing."

"WHAT THE HECK?! Yeah Diana is pretty and perfect, but she's just a friend! My rival! I don't have time to think about any of that if I want to get better than her! Heck, I don't even swing that way!" Akko pauses. "Wait, _do_ I swing that way?"

"The rest of us can't even compare." Sucy squints her eyes. "Less than fifty results for me, a few less for Amanda, and Lotte isn't even on the first few results. Wow, these people are really biased. And strangely focused on romance. Gross."

"There's actual five for us on that site. I checked. Well, it's more like two actually," Lotte says. "We don't even have a ship name. Not like Diakko/Dianakko, Sukko, or Amakko/Amandakko."

"Lotte, I think you've dived into fandom culture a little too much."

"How did you even _find_ this?" Amanda asks.

"None of you ever search yourselves on the web?" Lotte asks.

The others shake their head.

Lotte blushes. "Oh…"

Amanda steers the topic back on track. "Uh, other than how you spend your free time, what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, 'true love' doesn't have to mean who Akko loves or even has a crush on _right now_. It could be something like soulmates, or someone that Akko doesn't know she'll end up with in the future. So I thought, 'Why not consider the opinions of others?'"

"Lotte, I've said this before but I'm going to say it again. You are _too_ nice," Sucy says.

"She does have a point though. And it's worth a shot since Akko's…" Amanda glances at the mouse, "like this."

Akko stands up on her hind legs and puts her paws on her hips. "So what do I have to do?"

"'True love's kiss,' right? Probably exactly how it sounds."

"So… I just kiss everyone in this room?"

"I guess that's how it's going," Sucy says. "I'm not going first though."

Amanda grimaces. "Akko, you're a great friend and all but I've never kissed a _mouse_ before."

Lotte sighs. "Alright, I volunteer. Why do I always have to be the nice one?"

"It's in your nature," Sucy answers.

Lotte opens her palms for Akko to jump onto. Gathering all of her wits before they escape her, she gives Akko a quick peck where she thinks the mouse's mouth is.

Nothing happens.

Lotte holds out her hands. "OKAY SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN."

Amanda and Sucy turn to each other. They hold up one hand and shake their fists up and down.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Amanda blanches at her scissors losing to Sucy's rock.

"Of course you'd pick scissors," Sucy says.

"Somehow I should've known you'd pick fis- I mean rock!"

Lotte holds Akko up for Amanda to take. "Well, your turn."

Amanda takes the mouse in her hands and gulps. She doesn't move, only continues to glare at Akko.

Akko crosses her arms over her mouse chest. "Come on, I just took a bath yesterday. Just because I'm a mouse doesn't mean I'm dirty!"

"Uh, no, it's not that. Lotte's obviously fine after kissing you so… it's just…" Amanda purses her lips as her cheeks flush pink. "Gah, I can't believe I'm giving my first kiss to a _mouse_. And Akko of all people!"

"Wait, I don't like how you worded that!"

"If it makes you feel better, that was my first kiss too," Lotte says.

"It'll be mine too," Sucy adds. "And when I managed to avoid it the first time…"

Amanda groans. "That's even worse! We're all giving our first kisses to mouse!Akko?! I'd make fun of you for being a player if this situation wasn't so embarrassing!"

"Amanda, just kiss Akko so we can get this over with!" Lotte says.

"GAAAAHHH FINE!"

Amanda dips her head down and connects her lips with Akko's.

Again, nothing happens.

"Bleh! Oh god, I think I got some fur in my mouth. I need to rinse my mouth."

"I think I have some mouthwash," Lotte says. "I was going to wait until we all tried before bringing it out."

"Why does it seem like you already know this is going to fail?"

"Well, the chances of success might be higher the more popular the pairing. So we're just going up on the popularity scale."

Amanda turns to Sucy and drops Akko into Sucy's hands. "Then let's see the chances with the second most popular pairing."

"Not like yours was that far behind," Sucy remarks.

"Yeah, I don't really care about that. I just want to see someone else kiss a mouse." Amanda wipes her mouth. "Never again. You're lucky I like you, Akko."

"As a friend."

"Yeah, as a friend."

Sucy gets it over with within a second. Like the other two, nothing happens. So she joins Lotte and Amanda in the bathroom to rinse out their mouths with some mouthwash.

Amanda spits out the liquid and wipes her mouth dry. "So what's next?"

"Well, there's only one more feasible choice to turn to," Lotte says.

Amanda's face splits into a shit-eating grin. "Ohhh man. _This_ I really have to see."

It is currently the weekend, so there aren't any classes for the students of Luna Nova to attend. Most of the young girls would be out doing what children their age should be doing: going out with friends, doing some leisure reading, playing games, sleeping the day away, or some other form of relaxation.

Diana Cavendish is perhaps the only exception. Really, it's like a grown adult is occupying the body of a teenage girl instead. How perfect can one girl be?

"What do you idiots want?" Hannah demands after opening the door.

"Hi to you too," Amanda grumbles. "You two aren't going to cut it. Is Diana here?"

"Yeah, but she's busy," Barbara replies. "She has a lot to do. So if it's not important, don't bother her."

"At least she wasn't at the library," Amanda mutters.

Lotte takes the initiative. "Akko's in trouble and we need her help."

Hannah and Barbara narrow their eyes. "Akko?"

"Is that why she's not here?" Barbara asks.

"Well, she is and she isn't," Lotte says. "It's complicated."

"How so?"

"We'll explain." Amanda turns her head to check for anyone nearby. "Just… not here."

Hannah glares. "If you guys are going to blow something else up-"

Having enough, Sucy changes her grip on Akko by grabbing her by the tail and flipping her around to shove into the two girls' faces.

"What is thaAAAAAAAAAAA _AAAAA_ _ **AAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT**_?!"

Amanda covers her ears and takes this chance to shove their way in. Lotte and Sucy follows with the latter quickly shutting the door before anyone else can see or hear. All they care about is one person coming to check.

Diana comes around her bookshelf with her wand in her hand. "Girls, what is going-?!"

"Is that a _mouse_?!" Hannah shrieks.

"Oh my god, get it away get it away!" Barbara cries.

Diana narrows her eyes at the other calm witches. Her shoulders slump as the brief surge of adrenaline passes, leaving her simply tired.

"What is going on?"

Sucy holds up mouse!Akko by the tail again. "Akko turned into a mouse."

"Sucy! Stop moving me like that! I'm getting dizzy!" Akko whines.

Diana narrows her eyes. "That's… Akko?"

"She drank one of my potions and can't use magic to turn herself back," Sucy explains. "Only true love's kiss will break the spell."

"You must be joking."

"I don't joke about my potions."

Diana looks to the only other sane person in this room for clarification. Lotte only shakes her head.

"If there's one thing I can say Sucy takes seriously, it's her potions," Lotte says.

Diana crosses her arms over her chest. "And may I ask _how_ this situation came about?"

"Amanda made Akko drink one of my potions after she lost a bet," Sucy says.

"You make it sound like this is my fault!" Amanda shouts.

"Because it is."

Just when Diana thought she had gotten used to their antics. At this rate her own sanity is going to go out the window. She makes a note to ask Lotte how she remains sane amongst this recurring chaos.

Hannah points to the mouse in Sucy's grip. "So that's… Akko."

"You know, it does look kind of like her." Barbara studies the mouse. "It's even got her bangs and that weird ponytail."

"My ponytail isn't weird!" Akko shouts.

"Yeah, definitely Akko."

"If she requires a 'true love's kiss,' then why did you come to me?" Diana asks.

"Basically, Lotte believes the fandom believes that you two are each other's soulmates or something," Sucy says.

" …I don't follow."

Amanda grabs Akko and shoves her into Diana's face. "You're the 'true love' in this whole 'true love's kiss' mess! So kiss the mouse!"

Diana takes a step back. "What sort of nonsense is this?! And you said _Lotte_ proposed this preposterous idea?!"

"Technically, the fandom agrees on it. We all think it's just as insane as you do," Lotte says.

"Nah, I just think it's hilarious," Amanda chortles.

Diana stands corrected. _Everyone_ in this room is insane.

Diana sighs in defeat. "And if this does not work?"

"You're really considering it?!" Amanda, Akko, Hannah, and Barbara yell. Though Amanda is barely holding back her laughter while Hannah and Barbara are horrified. Akko is just lying limp in Amanda's grip.

Sucy shrugs. "We'll never know until we try."

" _Someone_ has to be Akko's true love," Lotte says.

"Or not."

"Sucy, be nice. We have to be optimistic. For Akko."

Sucy sighs. "Fine. For Akko."

"So you're really going to kiss Akko?" Barbara asks.

Diana resigns herself to her fate. "Yes. I suppose I will be kissing Akko… as a mouse."

Amanda drops Akko onto Diana's palms. "Don't worry. Lotte has mouthwash for you right after."

"I keep telling you guys that I'm clean!"

"Yeah, but you're also covered in fur. That's not something you have as a human unless you have a really bushy mustache that sheds a lot."

"That's gross."

"So is kissing a mouse on a normal basis, but here we are," Hannah says.

Diana holds up Akko until they're face level. "I simply have to… kiss her? Does it have to be on the lips? A mouse's mouth is quite small."

"Ye-" Amanda pauses and turns to Sucy. "Oh yeah, _does_ it have to be on the lips?"

"It just said 'true love's kiss' so technically it can be any kind of kiss," Sucy says.

Amanda throws her hands up and cries, "So I didn't have to kiss a mouse on the lips?! Why didn't you say so earlier?!"

"You're not the only one who didn't think of this."

"Though if you're going by fairy tale standards, it's definitely supposed to be a lip to lip contact thing," Barbara says.

Diana sighs. "If the top of the head does not work, then I will try the traditional method."

"Wait! Hold on!" Amanda reaches into her pockets. "Gah, where's my camera when I need it?! Hey, anyone know a snapshot spell?"

Ignoring Amanda, Diana leans down and touches her lips to the top of Akko's head. No cliche magic sparkles happen. Nothing changes.

Amanda smirks. "On the lips then!"

"You are enjoying this more than you should."

"Look, if the rest of us had to kiss a mouse then you better believe I'm going to enjoy this."

Diana holds up Akko once more. She takes the chance to note all of the mouse's features that are so _Akko_. From the hairstyle to the reddish hue of her eyes. The mouse is even nudging its two claws together like how Akko does with her fingers.

"You really don't have to do this, Diana," Akko says. "There's a big chance that you're… not my true love."

"Yes, it is highly unlikely that that is true. However," Diana gives Akko her most reassuring smile, "it is worth a try, is it not?"

Akko takes a deep inhale in gratitude and respect. "Diana…"

Diana Cavendish is many things. But she will not turn away from someone who needs help if she can somehow offer it.

She just wishes these were better circumstances.

Gathering her resolve, Diana brings her hands up as her head dips down. It is surprisingly easy to find the mouse's mouth despite their size difference.

It is Diana's first kiss. It is… rather unsettling.

Diana quickly pulls away. Just as before, Akko remains unchanged from her mouse form.

The others sigh in defeat.

"Guess even the great Diana Cavendish can't fix this," Amanda says.

Diana moves Akko onto her shoulder so they can both be in a more comfortable stance.

"Now that I have entertained this long enough, shall we look for a more _reasonable_ cure?"

"There _is_ still one more person that we haven't tried," Sucy says. "It's just he doesn't go to this school."

Lotte's eyes widen. "I can't believe you caught that!"

"I'm not blind."

"Wait, _he_?" A lightbulb flickers on above Amanda's head as she realizes who they mean. " _Hanbridge_? Are you serious?!"

Diana frowns. "Andrew? What does he have to do with this?"

"Among the list of pairings that Lotte showed us, Andrew was also on that list," Sucy says. "He comes nowhere near you, but Akko did show an interest in him at some point."

"I just said he was handsome! Objectively!" Akko says defensively. "Like how Diana is pretty and Lotte is cute! Objectively."

"Enough that you wanted to crash his party."

"Yeah, to spite Hannah and Barbara."

"What the heck?!" the two girls shout indignantly.

"To be fair, you two aren't the nicest blokes on the block," Amanda reasons.

Diana cuts in before another pointless argument can begin and keep this oneshot going for longer than it should. "Then our last attempt will be to ask Andrew for his help?"

"Are you going to send an owl to him to ask him to come to Luna Nova?" Barbara asks. "The last time I checked, _we_ can't go to _him_. Appleton hates witches."

Amanda grins, another lightbulb lighting above her head. "Why not surprise him?"

"I refuse to go along with one of your pointless ideas," Diana states.

"Oh come on! I already know most of Appleton's layout. And if we go to him, then we won't have to wait ten years for an owl to come back."

"That is an exaggeration. And I am not going to ask why you know Appleton's structure."

Amanda waves her hand dismissively. "Ten years, ten days, what's the difference? Owls take forever. Besides, don't you want to try their uniform? It's a bit stiff, but it's pretty comfortable too."

Amanda takes out her wand and casts _Metamorphie Weisstyss_ on herself. Smoke swallows her entire body from her feet up to the ends of her hair. When it clears, her hair is slicked back and her Luna Nova uniform replaced by Appleton Academy's suit.

"See? Looks pretty spiffy too." Amanda fixes her collar. "Geh, this collar is still as tight as last time though."

"I have no interest in Appleton's uniform," Diana states.

"Apparently someone else does," Sucy mutters to herself with her eyes trained on Hannah's stupefied face.

Amanda feels eyes on her and turns to see Hannah with her mouth open.

"What? Why are you looking at me like I'm naked?" Amanda wonders.

"N-NOTHING! It's nothing you idiot!" Hannah cries. She holds up her hands to block Amanda from her view, as well as to shy away while her cheeks burn pink.

Barbara slaps her face. "I can't tell if you're straight, that gay, or really bi."

"Or just an idiot," Sucy says.

"It _is_ a tad bit formal though," Lotte remarks. "I can't imagine how hot they must feel. Even we don't have to wear that many layers.

Diana sighs. She's already lost count how many times she's done that in the last one thousand words. "If there is nothing else, I will write a letter and send it to Andrew detailing the situation immediately."

Amanda disregards Hannah's weird state and turns back to Diana. "Ah, hold on a second."

In three quick strides, Amanda comes close enough to Diana to pluck Akko from her shoulder. After putting Akko in her breast pocket, Amanda flicks her wand and casts, " _ **Metamorphie Weisstyss**_."

"Wha-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hannah and Barbara shout. Before the two can strangle Amanda, they stop and stare as the smoke clears from Diana's form.

"Amanda O'Neil! What is the point of this?!" Diana demands. When she goes to flip her hair from her right shoulder, her hand misses and only passes through air. She looks down and sees a black and white suit instead of her navy blue vest and skirt.

Hannah's mouth drops open. "Whoa…"

Barbara fumbles for her wand and changes it into a full-length mirror for Diana to use. Showing, rather than telling, is probably more effective.

Diana's eyes widen as she takes in her appearance. Though not much has changed, Diana has a hard time recognizing herself in the mirror. Like Amanda, her Luna Nova uniform is replaced by the suit that is Appleton's own school uniform. Her hair is still the same length, though tied and parted across her left shoulder. She also feels a tightness across her chest. It isn't too uncomfortable that she can't breathe, but still more noticeable than her own bra.

Akko pops her head out from Amanda's pocket. "Oh wow. You look great, Diana!"

Diana wants to wipe the smug grin from Amanda's face. But even she can't deny that this type of attire isn't too off from what she'd wear if she chose to.

Therefore, she accepts her defeat.

"Fine. What is your plan, Amanda O'Neil?"

It is a mystery how Amanda's face hasn't broken with how wide she is smirking.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

So after much deliberation, I decided to split this into two chapters. The word count comes out to be a grand total of 11k+ words, and even rereading it to proofread sucked out part of my soul. So… I'll be a little nice to you guys.

I _swear_ the prince will come in next chapter. And uh… hopefully everything gets resolved.

For the record, I am definitely also calling out myself with all the Diakko I write XD Who do I actually ship? Who knows~

Just a reminder that the poll for scheduling my updates is still up for another week!

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

There are quite a few references to some fan art by multiple artists in this oneshot. Especially the Gomi one; I've wanted to write a fic for that art since I first saw it last year. And now I did, after combining it with so much more XD Why can't I ever write short things…?

Shoutout to these wonderful artists for contributing so much to the fandom and for inspiring this chapter of this oneshot! (Of course there are more talented artists but I can't possibly include them all!)

Mochiro aka mochiro_anm on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/mochiro_anm/status/938787588873248769)

Gomi aka gomi_dame332 on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/gomi_dame332/status/870127597908144129)

Tama aka sin05g on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/sin05g/status/953672289823768577)

Ra aka Ra_a on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/Ra[please insert 12 underscores here]a/status/860154494394302465)

Note on the last link: Fanfiction likes to do this weird thing where they don't like multiple repeats of the same character. So Ra's name technically has twelve underscores, even in their twitter link. I really hate how FFN does links...


	2. The Prince's Misfortune

**Summary:** The stage moves to Appleton, where the author doesn't make life easy for any of these characters. Not only does nothing ever go right with Akko, but it seems something else may be lurking in the shadows of Appleton Academy…

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Okay, and here's part two.

* * *

 **The Prince's Misfortune**

Diana immediately feels something off even before her feet touch Appleton's campus. She doesn't need her broom to tell her that there is something wrong.

She just wishes her broom would stop jerking so much.

"Isn't it just because you hate the place?" Amanda says. She grabs onto her broom to steady it. "Damn thing. I just got this maintained. Why is it acting up?"

"I try not to form biased opinions before gathering proper evidence for myself," Diana whispers as they prepare to land. "The atmosphere feels… unsteady. Though not necessarily unpleasant."

Akko pops her head out from her safe place in Amanda's breast pocket. "Doesn't that just mean you don't like it?"

"Objectively."

The two witches manage to land safely despite the turbulence. Once they've touched down, they stash their brooms away and find a good place to hide. Their invisibility spell wears off just as the last of the sun's rays disappear beyond the horizon.

"I am trusting your judgment, Amanda," Diana says as she fixes her hair. "Though what possesses me to do so is lost on me."

Amanda smirks. "Face it. You know I'm reliable."

"You did not hear that from me." Diana looks around and makes sure no nearby Appleton students can hear them. "Now, where would Andrew be?"

Amanda glances at the sky. "It should be just after dinner so he's probably heading back to his room or something." Amanda blanches. "Crap, I don't know where he lives."

"And you did not think that would be _pertinent_ information as the night grows later?!" Diana demands, barely keeping her voice level.

"Last time he kind of just ran into us." Amanda looks down at Akko. "How did he find us again?"

"I think you ran into that Blackwell guy. He stopped you two before you could get into a fight," Akko replies. "Not like it didn't happen anyway."

Diana pinches the bridge of her nose. "You two should never be left to your own devices."

Amanda snorts. "As if you didn't know that already."

"So what do we do?" Akko asks.

"We could simply return to Luna Nova and contact Andrew _without_ endangering ourselves. Or even obtain permission to enter Appleton without sneaking around." Diana deflates. "However…"

"We're already here and that's a waste of time." Amanda crosses her arms and grins. "Guess you do know how to prioritize your battles."

"I hardly consider this such an extreme case. Nevertheless, let us begin searching for Andrew. Any suggestions on where to start?"

"We can just do what we did before and cause a big ruckus for him to find-"

"No," Diana and Akko say resolutely.

Amanda scoffs. "Fine, fine. Killjoys. Then what do you two suggest?"

"How about splitting up and looking for clues?" Akko says. "That's what this sleuthing group of kids used to do. And we're basically that right now."

"Wait, I didn't know you watched cartoons," Amanda says incredulously.

"Yeah, but in Japanese-"

"Dividing the search works," Diana cuts in. She pauses as she realizes something. "Amanda, if you said you and Akko were here and caught before, how many would you say would recognize you? Akko might be harder to distinguish due to her mouse form. However, you must look exactly the same as you were before."

Amanda pales. "Oh shit you're right. Practically everyone in this school will recognize me since that stupid Blackwell made me duel him in front of the school!"

"What about you, Diana?" Akko asks.

Diana purses her lips. "While Appleton remains disconnected from the magic community, most of its students and faculty must have had access to the Noir Missile broadcast a few months ago. Meaning even if they do not recognize me as a Cavendish or a witch…"

"They'll still remember you from that time we shot down the missile," Akko finishes. "Then what? Use another cloaking spell?"

"But the _aesthetic_ ," Amanda complains. "This uniform is so much better than ours. What's the point of wearing it if I can't show it off?"

"Amanda, I don't want to get caught _as a mouse_ right now."

Diana shakes her head. "That particular spell cannot used so quickly in succession. Besides," Diana takes out her wand and flicks it three times. Each time the power sputters lightly like a dying car engine, "I do not know why but our magic seems unstable on this land."

"Does this have to do with why our brooms were wonky?" Amanda asks.

"It could be, though I am not sure of the specifics." Diana narrows her eyes. "It is also worthy of inspection. You did not notice this the last time you were here?"

"Well last time Akko and I had to share one of Croix's leyline routers to even use magic. It was before magic revived so we didn't have another choice."

"Then it is not simply because the campus is notorious for its dislike toward witches." Diana makes up her mind. "Amanda, you and Akko search for Andrew. Try to remain as inconspicuous as possible. I will observe the campus and examine its grounds to check for any damage that may be causing this disruption of our magic."

"You gonna be alright alone? There's a lot of asshole guys around here," Amanda says.

"Are you concerned for me?"

Amanda raises an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. We don't get along, but I'm not _heartless_."

Diana exhales. "Point taken. You two be careful as well. I hope when you find Andrew that he can return Akko to her original condition."

The two head in separate directions and begin their search. Once Amanda rounds the corner, Akko pops her head back out from her hiding place.

"Do you think Diana will be okay on her own?"

"Psh. You forgetting who you're talking about? She'll be fine. We should be more worried for the guys. I don't know how she does it but she manages to look pretty in suit. Handsome pretty. That make sense?"

"You have a good eye for girls."

Amanda tsks. "Nah. I have a good eye for good looking things. As much as I hate to admit it, Diana definitely counts as one of those."

"You know, Diana looks pretty similar to her ancestor Beatrix. And she, her aunt, and her cousins all have the same kind of hair."

"You think the Cavendish just have a gene for hotness?"

"I don't think her aunt or cousins are on the same level though."

Amanda hums. "Maybe it's a recessive gene or something. How does science work again?"

Akko shrugs. "I haven't taken a real science class in almost two years. And the last one I took was earth science. Oh yeah, did you ever go to normal school before Luna Nova?"

Amanda puts her hands in her pockets as she strolls through the school. For someone who should be hiding herself, she's not doing a very good job to practice caution.

Then again, she's also talking to a mouse rather conspicuously.

"Nah, I was homeschooled," Amanda replies. "My parents wanted me to inherit their business when I came of age. Sounded boring, so I found somewhere far enough to go to. I didn't know any language besides English, so England was basically the farthest I could go." Amanda looks down at the mouse. "When'd you start learning English? You speak pretty fluently for a foreigner."

Akko thinks about it for a moment. "We're required to take English courses in normal schooling. But I got really into learning it after watching Chariot's show and deciding I wanted to go to Luna Nova too. You know, now that I think about it, shouldn't there be a translation spell or something?"

Amanda blinks. "Is there? I never thought about it. Huh."

"Guess magic really doesn't have an answer for everything."

"Yeah-" Amanda freezes in place. "Shit, voices!"

Amanda ducks behind a pillar and waits for the students to pass. Despite having Akko in her pocket, it seems the two finally have some good luck. (Only because even the author is getting tired of this dawdling.)

"Isn't that…?"

"Andrew!" Akko squeaks.

Amanda pokes her head out from behind the pillar. "He's not alone though. There's that Frank guy that Lotte always talks to. You sure those two aren't dating?"

"Lotte says they're just friends. Frank seems to really like her though. But he's willing to take it slow and get to know her first."

"Wow, a nice guy. Pretty rare." Amanda shakes her head. "You think we can approach Hanbridge with his friend there?"

Akko nods. "Frank's cool. He's one of the few Appleton guys who like magic. I mean, he visits Lotte so much; he shouldn't _not_ like magic."

Amanda shrugs and decides to take the chance. Even though she's shorter than both Andrew and Frank, her determined strides catch up to the two boys right in front of them.

The sudden intrusion startles Andrew and Frank.

"What in the-" Andrew narrows his eyes. "You are… one of Akko's friends. Amanda O'Neil, correct?"

Amanda gives him a salute. "Yo, Hanbridge. You still talk like you've got a stick up your ass. At least Diana learned to loosen up."

Frank laughs. "See, Andrew? I keep telling you to relax or people are going to think you talk like your father."

"I speak as someone _befitting of my status_." Andrew sighs. "In any case, why are you here? Did you not learn your lesson the last time you trespassed on this campus?"

Amanda pulls out Akko and holds her up by the base of her tail. "Do me a favor and kiss this mouse, will ya?"

"Excuse me?!"

Akko waves weakly. "Hey, Andrew."

Frank stares with wide eyes. "Did that mouse just talk?!"

But this is a familiar situation for Andrew. In fact, he recognizes the distinct hairstyle of the mouse instantly.

"Atsuko… Kagari? What have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"Wow, didn't take much convincing for him," Amanda remarks. "Took Diana almost three minutes to realize that we weren't joking around."

"So why do you need Andrew's help? Can't you do something with magic?" Frank asks.

"That's the thing. Suc- The person who made the potion that Akko drank says the effects can only be reversed with a 'true love's kiss' or some bs like that. Since Akko had a crush on him before, well, he's kind of our last resort."

"For the last time, I _didn't_ have a crush on Andrew!" Akko yells indignantly. "I just said he looks handsome! _Objectively_!"

Andrew pinches the bridge of his nose. "What is the point of asking me if I do not fit the criteria in the first place?"

Amanda shrugs. "Doesn't hurt, right? We gotta find Akko's true love somehow. It'd suck if she got stuck as a mouse who can't use magic forever."

Andrew glares at Akko but remains silent. He takes the next five minutes contemplating his choices.

On one hand, he can walk away and act like this never happened. But that would mean having a mouse as a friend forever. Then there is the fact that everyone who knows of the situation will know he didn't step up to the plate and offer his assistance when asked.

On the other hand… kissing a mouse.

Amanda groans. "If it makes you feel better, we all had to kiss Akko as a mouse already. Including Diana. Twice."

The constipation of deep thought is replaced by an expression of utter surprise. "Diana as well? And twice?"

"She tried to cheat her way out by just kissing Akko's head. When that didn't work, she tried the lips like the rest of us did. That didn't work either."

"I can't imagine she was very pleased."

"Heh. Even Diana's gotta fail at stuff."

Andrew steels his resolve and holds out his hands. "Fine. If you think I can… break her from this spell, then it is worth the try."

Amanda places Akko down onto Andrew's palms and takes a step back. She joins Frank a few paces away to give Andrew some space.

"Sorry for the trouble," Akko grumbles.

Andrew sighs. "I will refrain from asking how this situation came about in the first place. Let's get this over with."

Without further ado, Andrew gives the mouse a quick peck to the lips. Unlike the previous attempts, a swirl of pink smoke envelopes the two.

Andrew and Frank suck in a breath, waiting anxiously for the smoke to clear.

When it does, Akko is no longer in Andrew's palms.

And Amanda is laughing her ass off.

"Hoooooly- Oh god I'm dead. I'm going to die. I'm going to be the first person to die from laughing so hard. Oh my goooooood!"

Akko looks down at herself. "Man, I'm still a mouse. But why am I on the floor?"

"WHY ARE MY HANDS NOT HANDS?!" Andrew screams.

Frank's jaw remains wide open as he stares at his best friend and his… new additions.

"Andrew… you need a mirror."

Andrew whirls around. "Oh, I most likely do not. I can already _guess_ what is in place of my ears!" He twists his torso to look at the wagging tail on his behind. "And this explains it as well!"

Amanda continues to choke on her laughter. "HAHAHA! Oh man, this is even better than Diana's reaction! You've done it this time, Akko!"

"What do you mea-?!" Akko looks up and screams.

"You turned Hanbridge into a _half ass_ HAHAHAHA!"

Akko hides her face in her paws. "This is like the first time we met all over again!"

"No, this is arguably worse!" Andrew shakes his hooves. "At least I still had digits that first time!"

"But why?! No one else had this kind of reaction!" Akko cries.

Amanda wipes the tears from her eyes. "Maybe… haha… maybe witches have some sort of protection against this effect. But the half-ass isn't a witch so… bwahaha! Oh man, so now he's an ass! Way to go, Akko!"

"You are finding this _far_ more amusing than it should be!" Andrew says.

"Because it is!"

Frank places a hand underneath his jaw and pushes it back up. Once he's gathered his wits, he takes the initiative to ask, "So what do we do now? Not only is Akko unchanged, but now we have Andrew like this. They can't both stay like this!"

Andrew places his hooves on each side of his head and groans. "No, no I cannot. I will never hear the end of it from my father. Not to mention he might sue Miss Kagari for all she's worth. And Luna Nova. Somehow."

"Diana! Diana should know what to do!" Akko says.

Hearing the name of his relative brings some hope and clarity to Andrew's tumultant situation. "Diana? She is also here?"

Amanda somehow gets herself under control. "Pretty sure she came just to babysit us, but yeah she also came. She's looking into something that's bothering her."

"At Appleton?" Andrew narrows his eyes. "What could be here that would catch her interest?"

"I would say the guys, but I'm pretty sure Diana doesn't even know what a crush is. She studies too much to seem like a person who'd think about that kind of thing."

"…"

"Never mind, just forget it." Amanda points to the donkey parts on Andrew's body. "You don't want to be stuck like that forever, right?"

"Who wants to remain like this?! I can't play piano without my fingers- I mean draft policies!"

"Where _is_ Diana?" Franks asks as Andrew devolves into a sputtering mess.

Amanda points behind her. "She went the opposite way we came. If it was Akko it'd be easier to find. But Diana actually tries to not attract attention so this'll be a little harder."

"You know you're pretty noticeable too, right?" Akko says. She doesn't protest as Amanda picks her up and places her in her breast pocket again.

"Never said I wasn't."

This time, Amanda _does_ have to try to hide herself as she traverses the campus. It's one thing if she's noticed. Now she has to hide a half-ass behind her.

"Are you going to keep referring to me as that?!" Andrew hisses.

"I'm not wrong," Amanda replies.

"I have a name!"

"Oh well~"

Andrew places his hooves on the sides of his head and groans. "I can see why Diana speaks of you as she does."

"Ha! You be- Wait, Diana talks about me? Hold up, Diana talks to _you_?!"

Before Amanda can probe more, the wall in front of the group explodes and throws them off their feet. Or rather, the entire _section_ of the campus they are in happens to explode in a timely fashion.

"Hueh- bleh!" Amanda uses her hands to part the smoke. "Well, that escalated quickly."

"What's going on?!" Akko asks from Amanda's pocket.

The smoke is too thick for any of them to see past it. But despite the deafening sounds of crumbling infrastructure, they hear a strange rhythmic clinking noise like a jagged can rolling across the ground. This is followed by a loud _thud_ and a feminine voice crying out in pain.

"Agh! Why does this suit of armor not include a helmet?!" the woman complains.

Amanda, Andrew, and Frank stare as the smoke clears. Akko joins them by popping her head out from Amanda's pocket.

"Diana?!" they shout together.

The blonde witch groans, picking herself up from the ground. She bemoans the terrible situation as she rubs the back of her sore head and feels a small bump forming.

Her eyes narrow, then widen as she recognizes the group nearing her.

"I see you have found Andrew. Except…" Her eyebrow twitches at the same time as Andrew's ears, " …why does the situation seem to have worsened rather than gotten better? Andrew, why are you half of an ass?"

Amanda cracks up laughing so hard that she falls to the ground.

Andrew glares at her but chooses to address Diana first. "Obviously the kiss of true love did not work. And what about you?" Andrew gestures to the black armor Diana currently dones. "I did not know you were the type to fancy a knight's armor."

"I will explain at another time. Right now-"

"What, no flashback to increase the word count?" Amanda asks.

"There is no point inserting a break in the middle of this chaos right now!"

Another explosion, this time smaller than the first. Another humanoid figure wearing a different set of black armor leaps from the smoke and debris. Unlike Diana, this one is wearing a helmet to hide its identity.

It turns its head around frantically, the slits of the eyeline glowing like red lightning as it moves.

Diana freezes as the knight settles on her.

"Grrrrrrr…" The armor rattles in rage. " _RAWWWWWWRRRRR_!"

The black knight kicks forward toward Diana, picking up a piece of a broken pillar along its path. It swings the column like a club toward Diana's head.

Diana ducks down and barely evades the club. It tears through the pillar behind her and collapses the roof further. Diana jumps back and uses the destruction as cover.

Diana skids back toward the group. "What is your school planning?! Why was it hiding these two suits of armor _clearly_ of magical origins?!"

"How come you got to find the cool stuff?!" Amanda yells. "Screwing around with fun armor… And here I am trying to convince a rich boy to kiss a mouse!"

"I would gladly hand it to you _if I could remove it_."

"I think we should be asking what _you_ did to make a suit of armor chase after you!" Andrew yells at they all scatter away from the charging berserker.

"I have done nothing!" Diana ducks and evades the wild swings. "One minute I was speaking to one of the students, and the next the armors had attached to us!"

Amanda skids to a stop. "Wait, did you piss off a guy with blonde hair? And was he annoying as hell?"

Diana grunts as she jumps away from another attack. "If anything, _he_ was the one throwing baseless insults at me. And how did you guess?"

Amanda slaps her face. "Half-ass, your friend Blackwell sure knows how to attract himself to possessed suits of armor."

"I highly doubt that is his fault! And stop calling me that!" Andrew yells.

"This has happened before?" Diana grits her teeth as the pillar comes dangerously close to her. "How did you stop him?!"

Despite coming from Amanda's pocket, Akko's voice is loud and clear. "Well it was kind of Croix's fault before. Amanda poked Louis' forehead with her sword and everything came apart."

"Yeah, after he almost blew me away," Amanda grumbles.

"What about magic? Shouldn't you witches have a spell for this?" Frank asks.

"I do not know why-" Diana rolls away as the knight swings down the pillar with enough force to crack the ground and break its own weapon. "-but I have been unable to cast any spells since arriving at Appleton. The magic simply fizzles out."

"Wait what?" Amanda pulls out her wand and tries to cast a simple light spell. The green light flickers for a moment before doing as Diana says and dying out.

"But if we can't use magic, how come Andrew still transFOR- AHHHHH?!"

Akko loses her grip on Amanda's pocket and tumbles out from her hiding place. She falls onto the ground in a daze.

"Ow ow…"

The black knight steps forward to pick up a piece of rubble beside Akko. In doing so, he doesn't see the small mouse right below his feet.

"Akko!" Amanda sweeps beneath the knight and cups Akko away with a hand.

Akko sighs in relief. "Thanks, Ama- Above you!"

Amanda turns too late. The knight swings the rubble straight down toward them.

Before it can hit, Diana rushes forward and carries Amanda out of the way. The rubble impacts the ground and breaks. At least Amanda and Akko are safe.

The black knight veers around to aim for them again. Diana tightens her hold on Amanda to evade, hoping Akko has the claws to latch onto Amanda to prevent falling off.

Unlike Chariot or even Jasminka, Diana normally doesn't possess the physical strength to move and evade so quickly that she appears as a blur. Her movements are fast enough to make Amanda want to hurl.

(I suppose…) Diana grits her teeth as she avoids the knight. (…this armor is at least helpful in some way!)

"G-Geez, Diana! I'm going to lose my lunch!" Amanda complains.

"If you wish to be struck down by this mad dog, then by all means lessen my burden!"

"You could've chosen to carry my some other way!" Amanda attempts to hold back the blush threatening to light her cheeks. "Did you really have to _bridal carry_ me?!"

"At least someone is _holding onto you_ ," Akko hisses. She digs her claws deeper into Amanda's suit.

"Agh, Akko! That's my skin! That's my skin!"

"This was the most convenient within that short period," Diana replies after catching her breath. "Would you rather I throw you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes?"

"I appreciate your consideration _so much_."

The berserk knight swings its weapon down with a resounding crash. Before he can recover, Diana spins around and kicks him in the head. To everyone's surprise, the strike is strong enough to blow the knight back and send him crashing through several walls.

Finally a moment of peace. Diana places Amanda down before anyone else can comment on her choice to bridal-carry Amanda out of harm's way.

Amanda looks in the direction the knight flew toward and whistles. "Damn, Diana. Seriously, let me have a go with that armor, will you? It's a lot better than whatever Louis got attached to last time."

"As I said before, I would gladly take it off if I could-"

The wall explodes. The berserker roars and rushes toward them again. Without enough time to guard, all Diana can do is turn around too late and take the knight's wild sucker punch straight to her solar plexus. The armor must have augmented Louis' strength because that single punch sends Diana flying through the entire school, brick wall and all.

Andrew and Frank's jaws fall open.

"Is she going to be okay?!" Frank cries.

Amanda grimaces. "Uh, maybe? Normally I'd joke about how hard it is to kick Diana down. But that actually looked kind of painful."

"KIND OF?!"

The knight growls and turns its attention to the rest of them now that Diana is out of the picture.

Amanda gulps. "Don't suppose any of you got a sword?"

The berserker roars and charges toward them.

"Not one you would like to hold!" Andrew shouts as they disperse out of the way.

"Wait, did you just make a-"

"No I did _not_!"

"You really did! Wait, why is Blackwell going after me _again_?!" Amanda grits her teeth, leaping away from the black knight. "I didn't even do anything wrong this time!"

Andrew sneaks up behind the knight and clips the back of its helmet with his hooves. "You and Miss Kagari trespassed _again_. AND turned me into this! How is that doing nothing wrong?!"

Amanda slides forward and trips the knight before it can smack Andrew upside the head with a gauntlet-covered arm. "That's Akko's fault! Not mine!"

"Can you guys stop blaming me all the time?! At this rate I'm going to be a mouse forever! At least pity me!" Akko cries.

Amanda and Andrew jump away when the knight rights itself and swings his arms wildly.

"Damn, if only my wand worked. Or if I had a sword. Gahhh, just give me _something_ to work with!" Amanda yells in frustration.

The knight steps forward with one foot to attack once more. Before he can take another step, a black and white blur shoots toward him from the direction of the decimation he left behind earlier. A black, armored fist collides against the side of the knight's helmet, sending him flying in the opposite direction with as much force as he had used on Diana before.

Andrew, Amanda, and Frank stop to blink stupidly. Akko actually falls off of Amanda again.

Diana flips her untied hair over her shoulder. Her hair is unkempt (but not even that messy) and her face is covered in dirt and grime, but that is the extent of her disheveled state. There are no signs of serious injury. Sasuga Diana Cavendish.

"On second thought, I will be keeping this armor," Diana says critically. "It is rather durable."

And then red trickles down the top of her head.

Diana blinks and wipes away the liquid staining her face. Once she can see again, she stares at the destruction she left. "Interesting. Not only is it durable, but it enhances the user's physical capabilities as well."

"That explains why you are still alive despite flying across the entire campus," Andrew states.

"Maybe find the helmet next time and you won't look like you just dipped your head in tomato sauce," Amanda says.

Diana walks over and picks up Akko from the rubble. She does her best to pat the small mouse clean from dust with her gauntlet-covered hands.

An enraged roar pulls everyone's attention in the direction the knight was sent flying.

Diana sighs. "Between Akko's form, Andrew's current state, and the berserker armor, I am surprised this campus is still standing."

The last of the infrastructure crumbles away as soon as Diana finishes speaking.

"I stand corrected."

Akko crawls up Diana's arm and onto her shoulder. "So… what now?"

"We first deal with the berserker currently charging toward us," Diana says. "Then we can return to the matter of your transformation. And maybe find a way to change Andrew back as well."

" _Maybe_?! I do not like your tone!" Andrew shouts.

The group braces themselves as the black knight explodes from the rubble and runs toward them. It does not stop running when the world turns darker. The sudden eclipse of the moon does bring the others' attention to the sky.

"What-?"

The group watches as a giant robot falls from the sky and crash-lands right in front of them. It consequently squishes the black knight as he continues his charge, but everyone forgets about him quickly in light of the sudden entrance of a new player.

Amanda points to the robot. "Hey Akko, isn't this…?"

"The Grand Charion!" Akko's eyes sparkle. "I didn't know it was still here!"

"Wait, that means…"

A compartment on the robot opens and Constanze steps out. She crosses her arms over her chest as Jasminka follows out behind her. And she is eating as usual. This time she is eating what looks to be…

"Is that umeboshi?!" Akko cries. "Jasminka, where'd you get that?! I thought they don't sell it here!"

"I think the more important question is to ask why your friends are even here," Andrew says.

Jasminka shrugs. "We felt left out."

"That's all?!"

Constanze cocks her wand-gun and prepares to shoot at Andrew's foot to prove her anger. Except nothing happens.

As Constanze stares at her malfunctioning gun, Diana looks between the umeboshi in Jasminka's hands and the way Akko is practically drooling onto her shoulder.

A lightbulb lights up above her pretty little head.

"Jasminka!" Diana calls. "Please pass me one of the umeboshi! I would like to try one!"

Jasminka tilts her head. Her confusion is instantly replaced by a smile, happy to share her food as usual. She slides down the Grand Charion from its limp arm and walks up to the group to hand Diana an umeboshi.

Diana offers her thanks and then plucks Akko from her shoulder with her other hand. She holds the umeboshi with her fingers toward Akko's face.

"Akko, I would like you to try something."

Akko tilts her head. "Yeah?"

"Kiss the pickled plum."

Akko blinks. Once, twice, three times.

"EHHHH?! You want me to _whaaaat_?!"

"Did you hit your head too hard or something?" Amanda asks. "That's the worst idea I've ever heard from you. And I always hate your ideas."

Diana explains, "Akko's condition can only be cured by a 'true love's kiss,' correct? However, it was never specified what the true love is. Does it have to be true love in the sense of conventional human romance? Or can it be a strong desire for anything in general?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you hit your head too hard."

Diana sighs. "I am simply throwing out suggestions. I do not see any of you doing anything else to help."

Akko takes the umeboshi in her paws. "At this point I'm willing to try anything. And kissing an umeboshi is ten times better than kissing an actual human!"

Without further ado, Akko places her lips on the surface of the plum. She's once more enveloped by smoke, though this time it is red in color.

When the smoke clears, Diana is no longer holding a mouse. In fact, she isn't holding Akko at all.

"YA HOO!" Akko shouts from the top of her lungs. She pops the umeboshi in her mouth and smiles in delight. "I'm finally human again!"

Andrew sighs in relief. "Oh thank heavens, there really is a cure. While I am happy that you are back to normal, can someone do the same for me?"

"Well, we run into the same problem we had with me," Akko says. "So… who - or what - is _your_ true love?"

Frank nudges Andrew in the side. "Maybe you should try kissing your piano?"

"Why on earth would I do that?"

Diana hums. "If I recall, you did have a fascination for the art despite your father's disapproval. Though if you do not want to try it, I suppose remaining as part ass is an option as well."

"Diana, when'd you learn how to joke?" Amanda wonders. "Ah who cares. I like this side of you!"

Andrew glowers. "Only when it pertains to me, apparently. And no, I would rather not remain as I am now. Even if _you_ find this amusing."

"I find this rather liberating." Diana turns to Amanda and Akko. "Is this how you two always feel?"

"Yeah, but we don't usually bleed." Amanda grimaces. "Geez Diana, get a towel. And maybe some bandages."

"Um, now that one problem is fixed and we know a way to fix another, maybe we should deal with the last issue?" Frank says. "As strong as the armor is, I don't know how long Louis can last under a giant robot."

Constanze slides down the same way Jasminka came down. She uses Stanbot to communicate for her instead of writing too much on a sign.

"I can't get the Grand Charion working," the small bot beeps. "It suddenly stopped responding as we were in the air. Protocol: Crash Land had to be implemented. At least we didn't destroy the school."

"Yeah, that was already done with before you guys arrived," Akko says.

Diana frowns. "Yes… there is the matter of why our magic does not work. The effect radius seems to encompass Appleton's campus. But why…?"

"Now that I think about it, where is everyone?" Frank asks. "We caused a lot of destruction but no one's come out to say anything."

"I doubt everyone on campus is currently under the rubble," Andrew says.

An earthquake suddenly rips through the ground, throwing off everyone's balance. The ground explodes from underneath the Grand Charion, sending the giant robot and a tiny black knight flying in opposite directions as an enormous red, spiral diamond drills up into the heavens.

"What the heck is that thing?!" Amanda shouts.

Diana narrows her eyes. "It looks like an enormous philosopher's stone. But why is it red?"

Frank points at a man standing on a platform built into the side of the stone. "Look! Isn't that Mr. Blackwell?!"

The man in question guffaws, pushing his one tuft of hair back so he looks more like an anime villain. "I didn't think it'd work! With this, I can suck up all the magic in the world so none of those blasted witches can exist anymore!"

Akko gapes at the man. "Are you serious?! Why would you do something like that?! Magic brings smiles to everyone!"

Mr. Blackwell stops laughing when he notices the ants below him. " _You_! Why are you always here?! No matter, I won't let you ruin my plans this time!"

And then he resumes laughing.

To a normal human, it feels like nothing is happening except for a decrease in air pressure. However, the witches from Luna Nova can feel the magic being sucked from the world toward the spinning red stone.

"This isn't good," Diana says. "Nothing is meant to hold more than a specified amount of magic. Even philosopher's stones are not infinite. At this rate, that stone will break and cause an explosion great enough to destroy this entire country!"

"So what? We break it before it can suck up even more magic and do that?!" Amanda shouts.

Diana blinks. "That… is the only idea that makes sense."

"You must really have hit your head harder than I thought!" Andrew yells. "When have you ever resorted to such brainless ideas?!"

"Do _you_ have a better idea?" Amanda asks. "Unless you prefer to die so you don't have to be a half-ass anymore. Or is kissing a piano really that bad?!"

"Well… no, but…"

Amanda covers her ears. "I can't tell what's worse. This crummy situation, this entire day, or that guy's annoying laugh. Someone blow that thing up just so we can shut him up."

Akko takes out her wand from her sash and flicks it. Like the others, her wand buzzes with magic for one second before dying out. "Ahhhh! We can't break that thing without magic! Not unless someone can hurl a building at it!"

From the side, the black knight leaps out from the rubble and roars. He swivels his head around to search for someone to hit.

Akko blinks, suddenly overcome with a great idea.

"Hey Diana? Have you ever played baseball?"

"No, I've never had the chance," Diana answers.

"But you know the basics, right? A player holds a bat and then hits a ball as hard as they can when the ball is thrown at them."

"Ah, yes, that is the extent I know of."

Akko points at one of the fallen pillars. At the same time, the black knight catches sight of Diana's platinum blonde hair.

"Can you use that as a bat?" Akko asks.

Diana narrows her eyes. "Why would I-?"

The black knight roars and charges toward her. The echo not only sends a shiver down her spine, but also gets Akko's point across without further explanation.

"Ah, I see." Is all she says before picking up the pillar.

The others step away from Diana as she holds it up like a bat. The black knight pays them no attention and continues toward Diana.

Diana grunts as she hefts up the giant column.

Mr. Blackwell continues to laugh. "HAHAHAHA! What are you going to do with that thing? It's useless! Even if you throw it, it'll only break against this stone. There's nothing you can do-!"

The black knight leaps over Diana and swings its arm down. Diana's eyes flash when he comes close enough. With one mighty swing, she slams the column against the knight with all her strength and directs the hit toward the rotating stone in the air.

Maybe the pillar itself isn't strong enough to withstand a stone that has taken in great amounts of magical energy. But what about something clad in a berserker armor that withstood impact across countless thick walls and structures, moving at a velocity and acceleration of a rocket?

The black armor slams against the surface of the stone, cracking it instantly. It continues to tear through the outside layer until it breaks through. A flash of red light envelopes the entire area right before the entire structure explodes.

The force of the impact throws everyone back. Diana does her best to cover the others and use her black armor to absorb the shock. It does nothing for her head, but the pounding ache isn't any different from how she feels after sleep-depriving herself to study during the wee hours of the night.

At the same time, the knight and Mr. Blackwell fall to the ground in the opposite direction. Both lie in the rubble unconscious. The black armor on the knight dissolves into the wind, revealing a disoriented Louis Blackwell.

Constanze is the first to look up once the explosion dies down. She frowns at the sight of her completely destroyed Grand Charion.

Diana groans as she lifts herself up from the others. Her own armor dissolves away, leaving her in the Appleton uniform. She pats her body for any injuries. There are none; a true miracle. Save for her head, but that is easily mendable.

"Is everyone alright?" Diana asks, offering a hand to the closest person to her. It just so happens to be Amanda.

Amanda takes the offered hand and stands up. She rubs her sore head. "Yeah, could've been a lot worse. Thanks for taking most of the impact. Can't believe you saved my life. Three times in one day."

"Were you counting?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm grateful for your help. And I'm never going to say it again."

Akko sits up and rubs her eyes just to make sure she's seeing what she thinks she is.

(Diana and Amanda…? Huh.)

Diana comes over and offers Akko a hand as well. "How are you feeling, Akko? You were transformed for quite some time."

"I'm okay. I'm just glad I'm not smaller than everyone's heads anymore." Akko sighs with relief and counts her fingers. "And that I have hands instead of paws."

Andrew groans. "Speaking of which, I would like full use of my hands again rather than these hooves."

"You sure? Personally, I think you've got that half-ass look going for you," Amanda comments with a smirk.

"I am positive I didn't ask for your opinion."

"Whoa!" As soon as she's on her feet, Akko loses her balance and sways into Diana. "Man, my body feels heavy!"

Despite her own exhaustion, Diana manages to maintain her footing and prevent them both from falling onto the ground. "Remaining trapped as a small animal for so long must have affected your center gravity. It may take some time for you to recover."

Akko's eyelids flicker and droop. "Now that you mention it, I don't feel so good…"

Diana turns around and bends down on her knees. "I'll need to find my broom. Until then, I suppose it's better to save your strength."

It's a testament to how tired Akko is when she doesn't bother to protest, instead practically falling straight down into Diana's waiting form.

The others, on the other hand, are not so fatigued to hold in their doubts.

Andrew raises an eyebrow. "I underestimated you, Diana. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Why does everyone assume I have no physical strength?"

"That… is actually not what I meant. But let us leave it at that."

Everyone follows behind Diana as she heads toward where she _believes_ she and Amanda left their brooms. Constanze and Jasminka lag behind, the former staring forlornly at the remnants of her giant mecha while the other pats her head to console her.

It's difficult to distinguish the school now that practically nothing remains of it after the destruction and explosions they caused. It doesn't help that Diana barely remembers much of the school anyway. She's mostly walking aimlessly around what's left of the school. Though she refuses to admit that out loud.

Amanda slides up beside Diana, eyeing how the blonde is starting to struggle with her footing due to all of the uneven rubble covering the ground. Despite Diana shifting Akko's body every so often to get a better hold, Akko remains dead asleep with her head resting on Diana's shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't need help, Lady Cavendish?" Amanda teases. It might be a trick of the night, but she swears Diana's cheeks are flushed with a dust of pink. It most certainly is not from the short exertion.

"No, I am fine," Diana replies.

"You sure? You look like you're strugglin' there."

Diana sighs. "I'm fine. Stop asking."

"Whatever you say~"

The group nears what appears to be the entrance to the school. As Diana starts to lose her grip on Akko's legs, a black sedan pulls up in front of them right as a few witches fly out from the leyline terminal. The witches land on the path while an older man emerges from the car.

Holbrooke gasps. "Oh my…"

"Explain yourselves!" Finneran demands.

"Andrew! What have these witches done?!" Paul Hanbridge's eyes glue onto Andrew's extra appendages. " _What happened_?"

"Uhhh…" Amanda offers articulately.

"Professors, I can explain-" Diana starts.

"Diana Cavendish! To think you have been caught up in those girls' mischief as well?!" Finneran scolds.

"Look at this mess!" Badcock gestures to the ruined school. "I didn't think you troublemakers could do anything worse than the kitchen incident last time. I should've known that you'd prove me wrong!"

Frank steps forward. "Um, I know we're all in trouble, but there could still people buried beneath all of this. Andrew and I were just heading back to our quarters when we ran into the girls and all of this happened. I can't imagine where the others are."

A small mound of rubble pushes upward a little ways from them. After a few tries, a metal door pushes past the debris and swings open. A young man with navy blue hair tied into a low ponytail with a velvet ribbon stares at them with impassive teal green eyes. Judging from his uniform, he is also a student at Appleton.

"Amadeus! You're alive!" Frank gasps.

The young man bearing a striking resemblance to one of the young witches gives the group a gloved thumbs up.

The others turn to Constanze.

"Is that…?" Akko starts to ask.

"Bruder!" Stanbot beeps. It jumps from Constanze and up onto the young man's shoulder. Amadeus holds his arm up as if he is taking a parrot and not a robot.

"Wait, that sounds like Stanbot said 'Brother!' Ehhhh?!"

"Twins, I believe," Frank clarifies. "Amadeus did mention once that he had a twin sister who attends Luna Nova."

Andrew hums. "Amadeus' underground tunnels, huh? I never would have thought they would ever be used. Though, I never would have expected a situation like this to occur in the first place."

"Speaking of which, explain this," Paul demands, waving to the demolished school. "What on earth happened?"

Finneran crosses her arms. "Yes, do explain. And you two have better have a good explanation, Amanda O'Neil, Atsuko Ka-" Finneran and the others just notice Diana carrying the sleeping Akko on her back. "Why is Miss Kagari unconscious?"

Diana sighs. "Allow me to explain from the beginning…"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Yeah, there's a few (barely noticeable) bedroom jokes in there. It's not supposed to be a big thing. If you didn't catch it, great! If you did, uh… great too!

Also that blood? More because it's impossible for Diana to _not_ get injured in the head when she's not wearing a helmet. She's fine. That's why there's no warning for graphic depictions of violence (unlike for HoS).

Yes, it did take half the story just to get to the Prince. The title is supposed to be misleading XD

The poll to decide my update schedule is now **closed**. Based on the results, I will be switching my updates to once every two weeks. Thanks to everyone who voted!

The next update will be from _Holy Witch War_. I think it's about time to post the fruit of Bandit and my labor XD See everyone in two weeks!

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

To finish it off, these are the artists whose fan art inspired this chapter of the oneshot. Thank you for contributing to the fandom!

Tama aka sin05g on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/sin05g/status/950020291987570688)

L-lauriet on Tumblr (Link: l-laurietDOTtumblrDOTcom/post/172481017182/los-modales-hacen-a-los-cavendish)

And of course, the one art piece that prompted me to name this fic the way I did, 夢現 on Pixiv! (Link: pixivDOTnet/member_illustDOTphp?mode=manga&illust_id=62799467)

A final shoutout to superevilbadguy, who is writing their own LWA softball!AU after coming up with the idea XD If you're reading this, I hope you like the little instance of Diana's technically playing baseball by hitting Louis using a broken column LOL.


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